The Moon aspects to Capricorn is something I know all too well. There is a blaring Moon conjunct Saturn in my 2nd house in Libra. As I write this I cringe but I also feel compelled to tell you about it, girl so pull up a chair. My experience with my controlling, overbearing, histrionic, narci-mom, and the band of hardcore emotionally stunted women that came before her (my grandmother & great grandmother) was a consistent uncomfortable emotional breakdown that I had to face all my life. Along with an aristocratic delusional fantasy. From the latter I learned to carry to myself with pride, to hold my head up high, and that if I don’t have any money I don’t have to look like it. Very much Capricorn allowances. Me: “but what about my feelings?” Them: “Girl what about your feelings? You better suck it up and move on.” On the flip-side in order for them to be pleased with me, which they never were, I had to stuff my hurt feelings. And since they are were hurt all the time by the shrewd judgment and the lack of wiggle room for my identity I had the hard times being seen, heard and felt. The lack of intimacy in my life was glaring and my string of co-dependent relationships (friendships and lovers) where I often begged for reciprocity is just one symptom. The other symptoms are not knowing my limits, pushing myself too hard, not knowing when enough is enough, and not trusting my inner knowing. So, the aspects of this full moon will bring up discomfort that may trigger your inner critic instead of being sensitive to your feelings. Sometimes we need to push through and sometimes we need to love ourselves through.
Moon/Capricorn is about how we treat the parts of us that we see as a weakness. These lessons in my life have led to a painful lose of my sensitivity and then the heroes journey of working hard to gain it back. The heroes journey back to being one with my inner child has given me adult wisdom and understanding towards this human condition. This pain that this full moon can lead to feelings of self-defeat which can be a bottomless pit. Which can lead to a obsessively wanting to get rid of feeling like something is wrong or the sense that “I am bad.” If we feel that we are bad, we will treat ourselves and others bad. Don’t walk on egg-shells and put the covers over head in defeat or depression. There are no issues that are bigger than the source of all life. Face the monster you think has reared its ugly head in the mirror. The answer is to up your self-care quotient and turn that monster into a fair princess. Know that your rhythms will sometimes leave send you high flying and other times low in the valley. Take this opportunity to reach out to your soul community. Do some hand massages with each other and bring a box of tissues. This full moon has brought out for me just how over my relationship with my narci-mom really is. Its never going to be the perfect mother-daughter experience that I’ve always wanted. In order for me to move on to explore other areas that have more energy flow I have to accept that blaring flaw just the way it is.